A fresh start or?
I have not felt so good inside and yet so broken ever since the ritual.
I am trilled that i am once again the one in control and that everything seems in some way brighter... But it is all a ruse because i have never felt this broken and destroyed inside. I so clearly feel they are both pulling away and i am desperate... desperate enough to try this. A small part of me actually wished it will go wrong and i will just slip away maybe then i will feel peace.
The item i sent through returned... The portal works just like the demon said but i am not sure who sent it back the taint on it is new and alien to me... Maybe i should just let this be.
I have had that dream again... It has been coming every night since the ritual but i am unsure of what it means?
I have not been able to get a hold of Tyre for when the orb is done Metus on the other hand thinks he can do it...
Amirol seems to grow distant i think he misses Moonglade but stayes to make sure i am safe.
Dii I only see fleetingly. It is intense like always but it is just to hard knowing he lusts for her so much. To say it our loud before the whole order, it was like a slap to the face well i would rather have taken the slap any day. I know it is unfair for me to think like this but at least i try to pull away from them both when they are there and not show any affection because that would just be cruel.
Why has he bound himself to me like this when i am not the one and only? I have always been so sure that that was what i was to Amirol but i am not so sure anymore.
I hope to find a way to heal myself soon or else i fear i will end up taking the portal just to get away... But what will happen then? Who will i choose, if any of them?
So many questions, so few answers... In a way i feel more in darkness now than ever before...
Ingen kommentarer:
Send en kommentar