Book VII - Page 26

I got things right last night... And I removed the pendant... Now we will see if he truly did listen when he wakes or if he will try to kill me once again. I will keep the pendant... for now... I know I have my own but that was made for a shadow wielder.. I was made for Jade... Jade I wonder where she is... I feel her but only faintly... I do hope she is well.. I do hope the shadows have not consumed her... Poor girl and all because of me...

Well back to matters at hand no need to dwell on the past.. a past i cannot change...

I summoned him to where Vakil once called upon me.. But this time I was on the throne... Ohh how it pleased her... She has loved all of this and she was screaming in my head when I set him free... Is she the real reason I kept the pendant? No no it is to protect myself.. nothing more...

He kept blaming me for all he feels... But I think I finally made him see that he only used me as an excuse to let his own desires free...

I am actually thinking he he honored our agreement I could be for the best he wears the pendent when we meet and I remove it afterwards this way I am safe and he will do what I say... If it shows that I do not the pendant then he can have it back.. or well I can keep it just in case?

When he passed out I needed to plead for her help, he was to heavy for me. But it seems she gave back willingly.. why?
It been a long time since I has here last another one of my homes for a fleeting moment another mess of memories... I have prepared for both scenarios. If he tries to kill me or if he actually honors our agreement... The magic drained me it has been a long time since I have needed to call upon so much and without the mark to focus my energies it is much harder...

Still laying here in the night my mind seems to return to Rem... Where is he.. is he alright... Has he abandoned me? I dont even understand why my mind is drawn to him... he keeps holding me at a distance or is that why... Is it that I cannot deal with rejection that I need to prove something.. to myself or is it her not backing down from a challenge.. does she seem it as claiming a prize?
I dont know.. but I do know i miss him... And Ami... But all this distracts me most of the time.. when I am not alone with my thoughts in the darkness...