Book VII - Page 31

Why in all the nether does she need to put people on my tail to protect me? So easy to get everyone else to do it.. I could have ripped Ohirius apart at that moment.. My mind was completely somewhere else.

Runing into Eli and Kaelther and Eli wanting me to refresh why i left in such a hurry the day before... well i still don't know if i am safe around him if he finds out, so i need to be careful but he is making it very difficult as i only feel my desire for him grow.

I couldn't hold back we seem so alike in so many ways and he knows exactly what to say and which buttons to push.. It is not like he is using it against me cause he has this soft and gentle side that i did not expect.. the hatred for what he has become and what he looks like because of it yet knowing the power and strength it gives him.

I wanted to take Ziz to meet him and i wanted to have her make the rune again so i thought i would make her do it someplace i knew Eli would find us.. i just didn't know Zizey would affect me so...
It turned into a horrible mess and non of them trusts each other in any way. Well i need to work on that.
Finding him in Shadowmoon in his demon form well at least we finally got everything out in the open and it seems that we are even more alike than i first thought...

Book VII - Page 30

Well Rem has been gone for a while now.. so i seem to be draw to this other demon hunter.. i mean in the way of going further with the teachings Rem started...

I saw them in Duskwood out patroling on their felsabers.

Their leader clearly knew i was following them but then again this time i had no reason to hide. Seeing our previous two encounters had been so.. fruitful.

His second in command could be useful as well as he seems a bit... simpleminded.

I approached them at the haunt but i had Blade following me.. I told him to go off and finally he seemed to understand.

Well I got to speak with Elindras at the end.. Seems he was worried about me regarding Blade, fearing that he might have some control over me.. Well he would wish he had but no he is only pushing me farther away every time we speak.

And meeting the group in Stormwind we went to go talk. I do think I am getting closer to Eli but i feel i should be very weary of this person cause i feel him stirring something in me as well.

And the kiss... I needed to get away..i couldn't pull it together.. What is it he is doing to me???

Book VII - Page 29

The night was amazing.. I know he has been holding back a lot and we have not been very intimate.. but this... I had not thought a hunter could be so gentle and caring...

I needed to know that we were still in this together.. Needed to feel that his words were more..
I was happy to know that i had made him rest for the first time in a long long time. My presence soothing the horrors of his mind enough for a peaceful rest to find him.

Finally he let the demons of his past.. the worries of what this could mean behind.. But i feel that as long as he is open with me it cannot fail..

We can overcome this together, his teachings in the ways of the hunter makes me stronger, strong enough to stand at his side in his inner struggle as well.
He has the ring to protect. I can not give more now...

I know it was hard fro him to let go and see past his focus on war and revenge.. To see me as well..
To say i bring out the elf in him he had almost forgotten, the man he was.. before..

I am still unsure about him wanting to speak with her again, Erinyea is so unpredictable and there is always a chance i can not regain control... But i will do what he asks.. My life is in his hands and i trust him with it.
I fear how the elven runestones magic will affect it all.

But i really dont have his patience, walk from Stranglethorn to Eversong? Good thing i was able to persuade him.. I would have gone mad.
And he dared call me lazy.. i was the one doing the flying!

He can seem a bit to cocky when i try to warn him of her... i just hope nothing will go wrong.

Well we stayed at Zizey camp for the night before moving towards Eversong...

Book VII - Page 28

Finally a little peace... To find Rem safe... I am both scared and excited about tomorrow... About that answer...
I do understand his reason for leaving though he needs to know I dont need him to protect me.
He fears to much for me.

I think I finally made him see that the past will always haunt us but we cannot let is cripple us. What makes us strong is our ability to feel... He sees past the demon.. he understands.. a little and its okay. I know it is different with his demon... They are two and we are one but he still understands and accepts it because he took upon him his demon because he knows the strength that can be derived from it...

I still hold the same fear as he does... If we fall our cost is so much greater...

It is good to be back here in the jungle... My waterfall haven... Though the last time ended in a mess I hope that this will give me a new start out here...

Regarding the ring I am still unsure how to undo it but i fear that a sacrifice will demand a sacrifice and at what cost? I long to be whole again and yet i fear it so... Who will i become.. The druid and take my place among my kin? Will I return to be a siren at my sisters side? Or will I seek the shadows once again?
I dont know anymore... But I am confident that I will prevail somehow...

Book VII - Page 27

Where is everyone when i need them.. yes i know i am not in danger or anything like that but needing to stub to that kind of low?

I feel degraded.. soiled...
She was relentless.. Her hunger scared me...

I was stupid to believe it was the truth... but i have never been wrong before when it comes to using the bond to determine it someone was lying... Was I fooled because he keeps lying to himself?

I told him the consequence of removing the blindfold... I will not call upon him again.

I still am unsure of how much he truly does remember from the other night... Well it seems my efforts where in vein and we are right back where we started... Was this to be the one challenge I walked away from? I always speak of challenges but starting all over again leaving me that desperate and on edge all the time.. Had I not given that ultimatum I would not be giving up but I did and it was foolish of me but I stand by what I said... He broke the one rule I put for him...

I would have let him take his revenge... I would even have welcomed it... but no this is done...
He tells me one thing then acts differently... And I gave him a choice follow this path or this would end... It was always up to him... It was always his actions leading this...

I told him it was a test and he failed miserably... I do not deny what he saw in my eyes but that was never the point... the point was to follow this one rule.. and he could not... His defiance is to strong...

Should he return for any reason... I will punish him hard and merciless for what he forced me to do...

My preciousness little gem... how easily fooled you and admit it.. you liked every second.. you are worth no more... Think back.. all that has covet you... Did even one do this before they knew of me? Silly little girl.. Cant you see.. I am their true desire.. for unlike you... I can give them power... And what can you give them? You are still broken... all those feelings you cherish so locked away in the ring... That ring may be dangerous but it also leave you right where I want you...

Book VII - Page 26

I got things right last night... And I removed the pendant... Now we will see if he truly did listen when he wakes or if he will try to kill me once again. I will keep the pendant... for now... I know I have my own but that was made for a shadow wielder.. I was made for Jade... Jade I wonder where she is... I feel her but only faintly... I do hope she is well.. I do hope the shadows have not consumed her... Poor girl and all because of me...

Well back to matters at hand no need to dwell on the past.. a past i cannot change...

I summoned him to where Vakil once called upon me.. But this time I was on the throne... Ohh how it pleased her... She has loved all of this and she was screaming in my head when I set him free... Is she the real reason I kept the pendant? No no it is to protect myself.. nothing more...

He kept blaming me for all he feels... But I think I finally made him see that he only used me as an excuse to let his own desires free...

I am actually thinking he he honored our agreement I could be for the best he wears the pendent when we meet and I remove it afterwards this way I am safe and he will do what I say... If it shows that I do not the pendant then he can have it back.. or well I can keep it just in case?

When he passed out I needed to plead for her help, he was to heavy for me. But it seems she gave back willingly.. why?
It been a long time since I has here last another one of my homes for a fleeting moment another mess of memories... I have prepared for both scenarios. If he tries to kill me or if he actually honors our agreement... The magic drained me it has been a long time since I have needed to call upon so much and without the mark to focus my energies it is much harder...

Still laying here in the night my mind seems to return to Rem... Where is he.. is he alright... Has he abandoned me? I dont even understand why my mind is drawn to him... he keeps holding me at a distance or is that why... Is it that I cannot deal with rejection that I need to prove something.. to myself or is it her not backing down from a challenge.. does she seem it as claiming a prize?
I dont know.. but I do know i miss him... And Ami... But all this distracts me most of the time.. when I am not alone with my thoughts in the darkness...

Book VII - Page 25

To think he actually had med worried for his life... I will not make that mistake twice...

He dosent seem to understand.. I cant let him go.. If I do now.. he will kill me.. or well he will try to.. he will stop at nothing until he learns of my secret and learns how to either control me or destroy me.

Why did he need to force into doing this... Should I set him free? I have enough to keep me safe and he still does not know what I am... That I by myself am stronger than he thinks...

I do like this power I hold I will not deny that... but still is this me? I know it is a part of me but is this not what I have tried to keep locked away? Or am I just thinking like this because i am holding the leash this time?

Well I will look forward to see what my little... gift... has stirred...