Book VII - Page 10

How could i forget this feeling... Every nerve and fiber is alive... But this is so different from the shadows where I only found darkness and extasy this is pleasure and pain rolled into one...

Rem feels like a kindre soul one who understands what it is like and know I know what to be weary of around the demon hunters. Their sight..But it seems that as long as she sleeps they cannot see her.. Wait is that why she sleeps still? I mean the fel I was sure would wake her but does she know the danger or...?


He seems so lost to himself as if he has blocked out how to live... I easilly see and sense the pain he is carrying inside. the loss of lovedones.. of Family...
But one needs to feel in order to live and well he does seem quite responcive to me.


I dont want to rush into anything... I know this is a dangerous game... But it is so hard to not be... me.
I am unsure if he really understands what he is playing with and that what he can awaken? But not only in me I would think.. What about himself?


What if I were responsible for pulling him down and for making his demonic side take over?
Should I just stop it now... the training... the experimenting?
But i am learning... and the hunger he has stirred again...

How can I not be facinated with everything he is when he looks like the part of me I hide away from the world... Could I ever be accepted to walk the streets like them?


I feel alive again for the first time in a long time... I feel like myself... No longing for the shadows well that is not true.. The longing is always there but there is no one. With Shanra gone... I dont trust anyone else when it comes to that... Could I do it myself? Am I strong enough? What about Shereezh maybe I could find her?


No no my mind is running of with me... Is it the fel? I know it is torture waiting upon tomorrow and I feel restless... I want more.. I mean I want to know more..
Why did my body turn to defend itself and still I was untouched by the fel? Does Erinya see him as an ally or a rival and what will this lead to.


We have not been intimate except to make the bond but it was hard to not get overwhelmed but the desire for more... And he seemd to.. like it?

I have SO many questions and I need to know more... But am i risking his life in hte proces? His sanity?


Only time will tell...