Book VI - page 4

Tomorrow i will start my training in this new form, it is so alien to me and i feel clumpsy and small... Jade is the name i have taken for myself...

Tomorrow...

For now i will return to my own body laying on the bed in the ship... I just want to be alone for now... shutting of the calls from Diig. It is a good thing Ye *scratched out in rage* n, he shielded the ship from both Shanra and Ashanas magic or Diig would have just followed me here and i would have had to hurt him... this is my sanctuary... the ship... his ship...

Wonder if he would have liked the new body... He has only cared for humans to my knowledge... But this body is reserved for someone else...

Book VI - page 3

I know where it is... the shard will be mine, my quest will soon end, and i can let go of it all...

I have spend over a year but one of my spies came true...

Oh to bee free, to be able to cut away the last ties to him.. to my past... throw the ring away...
Indeed it will cost me a piece of my soul, but it will only make me stronger to cut him away...

I still sence him and it is torment...
No more... No MOORE... Fr *a small drop of something wet has washed out the last word*

Book VI - page 2

What has changed, why and when...?

It puzzeles me... When i removed that piece of my soul and severed the connection it was purpose to take all those memories away... All the hurt...

I have been thinking much of my old life as of late, been thinking of all my time in the shadow realm with Shanra, training... Many have turned their back on me, i have turned my back to many but he has always been there listening, helping... i know his motivation, but i have my own agenda for this... even when it stopped to matter, i still pushed on with my training...

Ashes... it is all ashed of the past... i am alone
Yes i know it is my own doing... i am not a fool... anymore...
He tought me more then he will ever know... i am stronger now... SO much stronger...


Then why do i sit here lingering in darkness... i shun feeling yet those memories still burn my tormented soul, it coarses through my vains like venom.

I will clense myself of it all... be born again in this new form, just like Shanra tought me...

Qill is dead but Jade will arise...

Book VI - page 1

What has happened to me...?
What have i become..?
An empty shell.
There is no colours in the world anymore. The world has become a shadow to me. The people insignificant, trivial and dull...
The is no challange anymore, i have become what i strived for; powerfull both in my arts but also in my network og infiltrators yet i could care less it is all pointless.
I know all that goes on almost, i am a shadow amongst men. Yet still they are toys, easilly swayed by intimate words... fools all of them...
I have become cold and distant. Staying for myself on the ship. Locking the world out, nothing matters anymore. There is no passion, no soul...

Why do i bother... Gabriel, Diigar even Shanra, all of them, they are at my feet, they will give me the world on a silver platter, yet i do not care... distractions at best... nothing more...
They have given me their souls, bound themself to my will... i have become to good at playing the victime.. and they are all fooled... Too easy...
Only one has ever truelly touched me, interested my... was a challange... something to work for, worth the effort...

This is not all true... there is another; Kallar but is it not just because of what he reminds me of?
He is one of the only i cannot just sway and bend to my will...

I am just waiting... weary of the world around me...

But what if... if he should ever return... i know he is out there... i dont care anymore... he holds no power over me anymore. Yes truth he holds a piece of my soul if he wants and could control some part of me, but he will never leve me like a whimpering fool for his affection... NEVER AGAIN... i am MUCH stronger now... And the only thing left is hate or is there even that, feelings are not a part of me anymore... He cared for Sivri, he cares for his regaind love... He NEVER cared for me that i know now and therefore he will never be able to play me again, never i will let down my guards if he should return... NEVER! I was betrayed thou i always kept my word even thou he didnt know much of what i did for him... i never betrayed him and i never will... unlike him i am true to my peomise and my words are my bonds...

Why is he always there in the back of my mind like a hunting spirit... i need to find a way to erase him... i need to kill every last memory and feeling... I need to destroy the shard to cut the bonds i have tied myself to him with... somehow i will prevail... and stand stronger... Stand without anyone having control over me... that does not diserve it...