Book VI - page 16

By all the twisting nether, why did he have to go there...
I meant every word i said to him... He knows to much now... Why do i keep telling him all this? Why can i not just put him in his place and if he dosent like then... fine

But to see him this night... his body glistening in the moonlight as he fought the female elf from Starlight. His muscles tone to the full and his agile fomr moving almost flurntly...

Ohh shut of stupid girl... he can never fill that whole that the master left, nor shut any mortal man. Get that pretty little head of your out from the clouds and down into the dirt again... stop being such a dreamer for things you will never have... you will NEVER be normal. Your twisted and shrivled up inside... your heart no longer beats and blood is the only thrill you still feel... You are cut... torn apart... now man up and do what you where instructed to do!
*the last peragraf has been written in a different handwriting*

Book VI - page 15

I understand why he feels used... I cannot blaime him...
Had i only meet him before all this. He reminds in ways of Adrias though without the mood swings.
But can he ever accept the path i walk... I need to walk?
I would choose him in a heartbeat had it not been that i can never let go... I do not love Ye *scratched out* n anymore i have laid that part of me bare, but i can never love like that again... I was to betrayed.. to hurt...
Oh sometimes i just wish to vanish in the twisting neather become one with the chaos i feel inside...

Well i meet with Corin again at the Lamb and he seems that he genuin want to join us.
I am excited about this new path... But will it work?

Book VI - page 14

No...no...no...
How could it be...
Why...

Now dont be a fool... he is just playing you... like always...
Dont sway from from your goal... not when you are so close... Be free of him... Be strong
Silly Silly girl can you not see what he is doing...

But why... Ohh by the neather... To be in his presence... To see him again
If only i could have touched him...


I was going through Stormwind when all of a sudden i was forced away... where i do not know... But there he stood... Just like before... Well he is not what he once was... That other presence was gone... He is with the Legion now...
He scolded me like always... Telling me that i had learned nothing from him... How could i when he never teached me anything. When i was not more than a toy for him to please himself.

But i will do his bidding... well some of it. I will put away my hurt and i will take my anger and use it to fuel me... make them my weapons.

But can i become strong enough... to take him? Could i somehow make alligence with the Legion to find out more?

I am a leader now which will come in handy for my further dealings... it is time to stop hiding in dark corners... No more sulking and whimpering...

I know what i must do... but first to satisfy this hunger for him... and there is only one capable of that, worthy of that... and he will kneel for me... beg for me... long for me with every fiber in his body... just like i long for my master

Book VI - page 13

Finally i got my markings... Ohh how i feel the shadows as a part of me now instead of just a weapon it has become a lover, a trusted friend... my companion...

But ohh by the nethers it hurt. Had it not been for Erinyea i am not sure i would have live through it.

It seems to have had a very interesting effect on my inner turmoil merging me and Erinyea more into one than before, i sence her greater and i feel she sences me. We are no longer two parts in fighting over one body... we are one... whole... stronger.

Ziz was there as i was marked, it is clear that she still longs for the shadows and the shadows long for her

shanra markede hende ziz var der sjanra forlod dem dem
var sammen med ziz
meet with wolfmoore at the lamb

Book VI - page 13

Finally i got my markings... Ohh how i feel the shadows as a part of me now instead of just a weapon it has become a lover, a trusted friend... my companion...
But ohh by the nethers it hurt. Had it not been for Erinyea i am not sure i would have live through it.

It seems to have had a very interesting effect on my inner turmoil merging me and Erinyea more into one than before, i sence her greater and i feel she sences me. We are no longer two parts in fighting over one body... we are one... whole... stronger.

Ziz was there as i was marked, it is clear that she still longs for the shadows and the shadows long for her and so did I... I have wantet her ever since she broke before me the first time over three years ago... I do not care for her powers, they do not interest me but to see her true self... The shadows were so strong so tempting and i gave in to it all, let everything fill me... the shadows, the power, the lust and desire... Ziz...

I hope this sharing of essences will keep us as we were ment too... walking side by side as sirens... as sisters... as one...

I think i have found a new protector a new oath brother... i will meet him tomorrow to find out more...

Book VI - page 12

Well my first meeting with the oath went well. It didnt seem that anyone niticed anything so i guess i have done well in making the connection as subtle and faint as possible. Diig seemed to like Jade as we had a most thrilling time trying out how i experience things as Jade.

I meet with Shanra, Zizey and Narmia at Ziz camp in redridge but like always it was a distaster... why do i even bother with the two of them... Though after Ziz left we went to the keep and i found out that Nam is working dobbelt for Shanra and Zizey... Interesting...


I was slightly annoyed when i meet with Garret but he helped me let of steam and the practice was fun... he is intriging i must admit... Funny why Ziz did not stay with him...

Book VI - page 11

Silly silly girl... do you even fatom the concequenses of your actions...?

Well many would indeed feel privilages to be trained by the ones i have called masters.
Destiny *the word seems to have been hard to write* Death and Balance... and now The Reaver

And still there is only one for with the words master truely applies...
*a tear has hit the page*

There are only a few left i feel i can trust, only i few a cherrish... And that is my weakness i still feel to much... Diig is by my side without question willing to give his life for me i would dare say and for what, I could never truelly love him... Just as i could not love Cy, Ami and Gabriel.

I am broken... I am not whole anymore... I have removed all those fellings... Letting her feelings govern my actions... I seek solace in the shadows... In the power they have given me.

Selasius came to me today wanting me to help Zizey... Somethings i wrong with him i sence the difference in him a twisted spark of my sister in some way... I need to find out what this is all about... I need to call the sisters together and maybe the oathbound as well.

I had my first lesson with Garret this evening...
It was interesting to say the least... But i am unsure if i should proceed, if this a ruse from him... This way of training i do not like, he gets to know to much...
To much he can use against me...
But to see the desire in his eyes and not giving in to him... makes it all worth it...

Book VI - page 10

*the pen has been scraches hard over the page in anger some words hard to read because of it*

Shanra asked me to come to a meeting between Ziz and him, using me to annoy her... An i played right into it.

And like always i was sent away with a new member Narmia. She is to become a siren.
We went to the harbour to talk´about what it means to be a siren.

Afterwards i went to sit on the rooftops by the Pig when Diig came. I took him outside the city behind the mage quarters... And then... HE... came... I dont know his name, but it seems he thinks he is a champion of Ye *name scratched almost out* rn...
Something about me not gonna ruin the masters plans or he would kill me jada jada, i have heard that speach like a million times before...

But what is it with men today... he is not back thou...

Stupid screwed up little girl...
You know what your thinking of doing will get you killed...
Yes it will proberbly be by him but hwat are you doing...

I needed to blow of steam after THAT meeting and whent hunting for the second time today thou this time i was not hunting deer...

Diig found me in the city and was very sweet and compforting to me, when Shana came.
He was totally out of line, beeing all cold and distant... well i can see Ziz is back...

He left and i needed Diig to ease my temper...

I hope he will survive this...

Book VI - page 9

Well indeed it is spring in the air

I meet with one of Zizs old aquaintants by the waterfall today; Haleth Freethingker... I was there for a morning swim.
And now i know why she has kept him to herself... Thou all that polite holy issue is just getting old... We love the same things it seems, like waterfalls and nature.

He actually asked me out on a date... A date! I have never been on a date, well he would be a good aceet so i can mix work with pleasure this time.

So i saied yes...

I went to the interview with Lyss and Alerie at the inn in lakeshire as Jade... They did not surspect anything and i were allowed to join the Oath... again

This is going to be interesting...

Uhh then i got a letter from Halath asking me to meet him at the harbour an hour before midnight.
He took me to Decolace... again something we have in common as i love that place.
He took me to a small lake where we talked and eat a light meal... It was very nice...

Is this how it is to be... normal?
It was lovely... peachfull

Book VI - page 8

He was with that little pretty thing when i meet him at the Pig... I can never remember her name... Think a got a little annoyed even thou i promised myself i would not let it get to me.

Well i saw that little pretty human from last night Avilan if i remember correct, so i took her outside the city to talk a little. I found out she knew Ziz so i reached out to my dear sweet sister but surprise, like always she was angry with me. This time about Shanra beeing back.

Like always she was only there briefly but we agreed upon meeting tomorrow to talk more.
Hmm i wonder how much to tell her...? well i will not say to much yet and see how she is now...

I mett with Lorich... I have really missed him i can feel that now... He was hurt from before, but who can blaime him... To compete for my affection together with Amirol and ending up beeing the looser... Sometimes i wonder if i chose right back then?
Diig was there watching... i dont know why but i liked that he was a little jealous...
Is it because he never was
Is it because it makes me feel wanted... special...
Ohh come on stupid, he has a girlfirend...

But is that not for the best... i keep my freedom not getting tied down like all always tries to do and still i get to be with him...

Ohh and the nights... well is it because we are only together fleetingly that it becomes so full of passion?

Wake up girl.. what are you doing... can you handle all this...you are joggling many balls at the moment... be carefull you house of cards does not fall down and leaves you crushed...

Book VI - page 7

I meet the sweetest human woman outside the pig today Avilan was her name.
There where a lot of low life human males around so we went for a walk outside Stormwind and we sat down by Mirror lake.

Then he was there all of a sudden, i had almost forgotten the feel of his presence. But by the nethers the light hurts more than ever. I am unsure how well i will handle juggling the light and the darkness like this.

But he is home... We flew to Mount Hiyal and spend a very interesting evening together but again his light... Oh by all the gods... why is it just like the pain and pleasure of it all...

What is wrong with me... am i turning into her? Have i let my guards so much down that she has gaind to much control... or is it the emptiness inside i am trying to fill but the hungers is just to great... and until i get him purged from my memories and my heart... he is the only one that will ever fill it properly.

*a drop of ink stains the page as if the writer stops scribling and sat in thought*

Book VI - page 6

He is finnaly fully back... in his own form and not that femal, thou she was cute...

We talked about what is gonna happen now and who we can trust.

I tried to summon Zizey but she needed to do something first.

He is still as alluring as ever... So what is holding me back from giving myself to him?

We were playing the teasing game as always...

He still is the only one to see my true worth...If only there where others that saw in me what se does.

We called for Diig *this is written as if the person was angry when writting it*

He was so degrading to me, calling me Shanras puppy...

How dares he treat me like that thing that less of me... And still i cant help wanting him...He wants me as well but to degrade me to that level...

I will give him what he wants on his terms as i cannot deny him... Nor would i want to at the moment...

Lets see how this turns out... interesting... it has been a while since my hunger has been so satisfyed... not since him...

Book VI - page 5

He has returned... finally
My master is comming back to this world from the shadows.
He wants me to gather the sirens and others loyal to him...

I went to tell Diig the news, he was at a meeting with the Oath.
He has another... love... This is the best... i am not good for anyone, broken...

Shanra will teach me to control my soul... my emotions... adn strengthen my resolve and control over the shadows...
I cant wait to show him how powerfull i have become... will he be pleased i wonder?

I went to seek out Kallar thou he is as he always is... closed
Then i saw him there... Diig...

I went to the lighthouse and he came... to talk...I told him... everything... everything about who and what i am.
He stayed, he did not push me away... he should have... I could not control myself, I could not hold back... I kissed him...

What am i doing, how can i be so cruel... he has another... i have been the one to be betrayed so how can i do this myself...

I had to run as he did not break the kiss himself...
It was bliss... but it was wrong...

I want him... yet he diserves better... one to be true to him forever... a promis i can never give... again