So much has happened i dont even know where to start. He is sleeping on the bed in the cabin as i have taken my jounal outside in the cool air to relax a little. He meet Erinyea for the first time but he didnt seem to mind her too much, but ohh how my body aches from the strain.
The loss of Tyre took its tole but well i did not get as fare as to give my feelings free but now i needed to find someone else to guard my ring.
But it was nice to be a little normal for a while... the winters veil he held for me was my first and it warmed me inside in a way i have not feelt since i was a child.
He knows all of me now i can only think of what he will do with that?
Shanra has the ring as he was one of the only ones i trusted at that time. He and Erinyea seems to enjoy each others company and i had not objections at that point.
I was so alone when he returned. I had Shanra but i know how he is and therefore we will never be anything but allies, deep compassionat allies... but allies still.
And he clearly won the hunt. Cleaver of him to trick me into loosing my powers.
I felt a deep sting as he saved my life on the island that night and i knew he would never leave me and that his words are ture... They must be...
Well there has been so much to do with the order and i am looking forward to but also dreading the ritual of assention...
It will not be easy to keep this a secret but i most.. for now... and i can only hope that this will not end like last... That would be my demise...
But to feel what i felt then.. what i still feel... stop always holding back... let go of all the fear...
He said he wants me not just my body but all that i am... This will either be a dream come true or another trip to the neathers.
Ohh but to have that whole filled again and be one... To be able to let go and move on from the images of him that still haunts my every waking hour...
Stars, hide your fires; Let not light see my black and deep desires...
