Book VII - Page 34

I am feeling i am on the verge of death... It took so much from me to get her back.. Without the aid of Eli and the power from the dragons essence it would not have worked.
But i got her back for him... And he did take me to rest in his arms until he needed to go back to her...
Everything will be so confusing and Eli wants to take her to outlands to finish her training, giving me time to recuperate for a couple of days.
I just hope i did it all like Shanra taught me and that her body will hold.. I need to hold a close eye on her and teach her about all of this...

Book VII - Page 33

Ziz called me, she wanted my opinion in regards to a potential new sister as she was a shadow priestess.
She had apparently had visions of us but she was very vague about it.
I tried to focus on the new girl Sihari but Ziz kept talking to me through the link wanting to know everything that had happened before she came to the ship.
Then Elindras reaches out to me. It was hard to keep from betraying my excitement from both Ziz and the other girl. I like how he tries to play with on feelings to get what he wants because he is worried for me.
Ziz was slightly worried if the girl had been sent by Shanra but i do not think so.. My mentor and her lover is long gone once again.
But she wore a bracelet of Shreezee so might not be that fare off. I wonder if she still has contact to him?
Elindras came over to us after Sihari left i am still not sure if that was a good or bad thing. 
A druid then comes to join us apparently a friend of Elindras.
Well then Kealther came as well after the druid Connor left. Ziz was quickly over him.
And then Handrall came... weird run of people this night... But Han was there to deliver the ring... He did not like that Elindras was to have the ring but he trusts my judgment.

Book VII - Page 32

We fought over that whole lost child thing. How can he think to keep her and at the same time saying he is dangerous? She calms him? Well thank you what the feck is my place then She is a kid... And he didnt even try to see it from my point of view. Then he broke the oath fully. The grief gave her a chance to take over so i changed mid flight and that fall nearly broke my body but it kept her from being free to roam.. Ohi tried to protect me against Cy not knowing he was a friend. Ohi entering my mind was a very bad idea but Cy at least got him out.
Zizey called for so many to try and get me back in check Aredorn, Ohis sister, Handrall but also a demon hunter i didnt know... Thyc
The ritual to try and force her back to sleep took way to much and i still feel the burn on my forhead from that sigil.
Aredorn bit Zizey to protect me, i used him against her but it backfired and he was almost consumed by her lust.. Begging me after they got her to sleep to get Zizey out of his mind.
I stayed with him during that night just soothing him as he has done for me so many many times.
Poor Han was captured on the ship the whole night as well making him loose his own weeding day. If i had known I would have taken him back myself.
Han is to insecure in his own skills.. I want him to become a part of us but he dosent think he can contribute to anything yet he has been keeping my ring safe for a long time.
Then all of a sudden with Han and Are already there, Cy and then Ami shows up to make sure i am alright.

I am not fully sure what just happened as i ended up with Cy, Are and Ami all there around me.. It almost turned into a contest of who held my attention most... I mean i cant complaint it did start some thoughts but still..

Was a good thing I left for Stormwind.. I needed to see Eli...

He came as soon as i called for him... I like how he seems so happy when i am around him as if i take some of his pain away.
He looked a bit like an old satyr with that new beard.. something about the time in the nether flowing differently.
He always makes me feel like i am the only person in the world when i am with him.
I told him what happened and he seemed calm in most of it.. Hurt that I didnt call but he understood that i was not able to.
He really dosent trust Ziz.. I hope with time I can change that.

But he took me to the ship and swore the oath to be and I gave him the ring to protect.
I cant believe that he got her to agree to the contract but he deed... There is just something about him.. This could either be what i have always hoped for or what will crush me fully.

Book VII - Page 31

Why in all the nether does she need to put people on my tail to protect me? So easy to get everyone else to do it.. I could have ripped Ohirius apart at that moment.. My mind was completely somewhere else.

Runing into Eli and Kaelther and Eli wanting me to refresh why i left in such a hurry the day before... well i still don't know if i am safe around him if he finds out, so i need to be careful but he is making it very difficult as i only feel my desire for him grow.

I couldn't hold back we seem so alike in so many ways and he knows exactly what to say and which buttons to push.. It is not like he is using it against me cause he has this soft and gentle side that i did not expect.. the hatred for what he has become and what he looks like because of it yet knowing the power and strength it gives him.

I wanted to take Ziz to meet him and i wanted to have her make the rune again so i thought i would make her do it someplace i knew Eli would find us.. i just didn't know Zizey would affect me so...
It turned into a horrible mess and non of them trusts each other in any way. Well i need to work on that.
Finding him in Shadowmoon in his demon form well at least we finally got everything out in the open and it seems that we are even more alike than i first thought...

Book VII - Page 30

Well Rem has been gone for a while now.. so i seem to be draw to this other demon hunter.. i mean in the way of going further with the teachings Rem started...

I saw them in Duskwood out patroling on their felsabers.

Their leader clearly knew i was following them but then again this time i had no reason to hide. Seeing our previous two encounters had been so.. fruitful.

His second in command could be useful as well as he seems a bit... simpleminded.

I approached them at the haunt but i had Blade following me.. I told him to go off and finally he seemed to understand.

Well I got to speak with Elindras at the end.. Seems he was worried about me regarding Blade, fearing that he might have some control over me.. Well he would wish he had but no he is only pushing me farther away every time we speak.

And meeting the group in Stormwind we went to go talk. I do think I am getting closer to Eli but i feel i should be very weary of this person cause i feel him stirring something in me as well.

And the kiss... I needed to get away..i couldn't pull it together.. What is it he is doing to me???

Book VII - Page 29

The night was amazing.. I know he has been holding back a lot and we have not been very intimate.. but this... I had not thought a hunter could be so gentle and caring...

I needed to know that we were still in this together.. Needed to feel that his words were more..
I was happy to know that i had made him rest for the first time in a long long time. My presence soothing the horrors of his mind enough for a peaceful rest to find him.

Finally he let the demons of his past.. the worries of what this could mean behind.. But i feel that as long as he is open with me it cannot fail..

We can overcome this together, his teachings in the ways of the hunter makes me stronger, strong enough to stand at his side in his inner struggle as well.
He has the ring to protect. I can not give more now...

I know it was hard fro him to let go and see past his focus on war and revenge.. To see me as well..
To say i bring out the elf in him he had almost forgotten, the man he was.. before..

I am still unsure about him wanting to speak with her again, Erinyea is so unpredictable and there is always a chance i can not regain control... But i will do what he asks.. My life is in his hands and i trust him with it.
I fear how the elven runestones magic will affect it all.

But i really dont have his patience, walk from Stranglethorn to Eversong? Good thing i was able to persuade him.. I would have gone mad.
And he dared call me lazy.. i was the one doing the flying!

He can seem a bit to cocky when i try to warn him of her... i just hope nothing will go wrong.

Well we stayed at Zizey camp for the night before moving towards Eversong...

Book VII - Page 28

Finally a little peace... To find Rem safe... I am both scared and excited about tomorrow... About that answer...
I do understand his reason for leaving though he needs to know I dont need him to protect me.
He fears to much for me.

I think I finally made him see that the past will always haunt us but we cannot let is cripple us. What makes us strong is our ability to feel... He sees past the demon.. he understands.. a little and its okay. I know it is different with his demon... They are two and we are one but he still understands and accepts it because he took upon him his demon because he knows the strength that can be derived from it...

I still hold the same fear as he does... If we fall our cost is so much greater...

It is good to be back here in the jungle... My waterfall haven... Though the last time ended in a mess I hope that this will give me a new start out here...

Regarding the ring I am still unsure how to undo it but i fear that a sacrifice will demand a sacrifice and at what cost? I long to be whole again and yet i fear it so... Who will i become.. The druid and take my place among my kin? Will I return to be a siren at my sisters side? Or will I seek the shadows once again?
I dont know anymore... But I am confident that I will prevail somehow...

Book VII - Page 27

Where is everyone when i need them.. yes i know i am not in danger or anything like that but needing to stub to that kind of low?

I feel degraded.. soiled...
She was relentless.. Her hunger scared me...

I was stupid to believe it was the truth... but i have never been wrong before when it comes to using the bond to determine it someone was lying... Was I fooled because he keeps lying to himself?

I told him the consequence of removing the blindfold... I will not call upon him again.

I still am unsure of how much he truly does remember from the other night... Well it seems my efforts where in vein and we are right back where we started... Was this to be the one challenge I walked away from? I always speak of challenges but starting all over again leaving me that desperate and on edge all the time.. Had I not given that ultimatum I would not be giving up but I did and it was foolish of me but I stand by what I said... He broke the one rule I put for him...

I would have let him take his revenge... I would even have welcomed it... but no this is done...
He tells me one thing then acts differently... And I gave him a choice follow this path or this would end... It was always up to him... It was always his actions leading this...

I told him it was a test and he failed miserably... I do not deny what he saw in my eyes but that was never the point... the point was to follow this one rule.. and he could not... His defiance is to strong...

Should he return for any reason... I will punish him hard and merciless for what he forced me to do...

My preciousness little gem... how easily fooled you and admit it.. you liked every second.. you are worth no more... Think back.. all that has covet you... Did even one do this before they knew of me? Silly little girl.. Cant you see.. I am their true desire.. for unlike you... I can give them power... And what can you give them? You are still broken... all those feelings you cherish so locked away in the ring... That ring may be dangerous but it also leave you right where I want you...

Book VII - Page 26

I got things right last night... And I removed the pendant... Now we will see if he truly did listen when he wakes or if he will try to kill me once again. I will keep the pendant... for now... I know I have my own but that was made for a shadow wielder.. I was made for Jade... Jade I wonder where she is... I feel her but only faintly... I do hope she is well.. I do hope the shadows have not consumed her... Poor girl and all because of me...

Well back to matters at hand no need to dwell on the past.. a past i cannot change...

I summoned him to where Vakil once called upon me.. But this time I was on the throne... Ohh how it pleased her... She has loved all of this and she was screaming in my head when I set him free... Is she the real reason I kept the pendant? No no it is to protect myself.. nothing more...

He kept blaming me for all he feels... But I think I finally made him see that he only used me as an excuse to let his own desires free...

I am actually thinking he he honored our agreement I could be for the best he wears the pendent when we meet and I remove it afterwards this way I am safe and he will do what I say... If it shows that I do not the pendant then he can have it back.. or well I can keep it just in case?

When he passed out I needed to plead for her help, he was to heavy for me. But it seems she gave back willingly.. why?
It been a long time since I has here last another one of my homes for a fleeting moment another mess of memories... I have prepared for both scenarios. If he tries to kill me or if he actually honors our agreement... The magic drained me it has been a long time since I have needed to call upon so much and without the mark to focus my energies it is much harder...

Still laying here in the night my mind seems to return to Rem... Where is he.. is he alright... Has he abandoned me? I dont even understand why my mind is drawn to him... he keeps holding me at a distance or is that why... Is it that I cannot deal with rejection that I need to prove something.. to myself or is it her not backing down from a challenge.. does she seem it as claiming a prize?
I dont know.. but I do know i miss him... And Ami... But all this distracts me most of the time.. when I am not alone with my thoughts in the darkness...

Book VII - Page 25

To think he actually had med worried for his life... I will not make that mistake twice...

He dosent seem to understand.. I cant let him go.. If I do now.. he will kill me.. or well he will try to.. he will stop at nothing until he learns of my secret and learns how to either control me or destroy me.

Why did he need to force into doing this... Should I set him free? I have enough to keep me safe and he still does not know what I am... That I by myself am stronger than he thinks...

I do like this power I hold I will not deny that... but still is this me? I know it is a part of me but is this not what I have tried to keep locked away? Or am I just thinking like this because i am holding the leash this time?

Well I will look forward to see what my little... gift... has stirred...

Book VII - Page 24

I ran into Handrall and he started asking about Rems comment about demons..
I decided to show him instead of try to explain a lot and well it seemed he was.. fairly okay with it... He did have a lot of questions and he did pull back at first but I am still me.. well mostly right?

I parted because I wanted to see how my little assassin was doing... I called him to my in Shadow Fang... it just seemed appropriate somehow as this was where Shanra my last master had tough me about the shadows...

I wander if Rem is okay? It unnerves me that I cannot reach him? Is it the fel in his blood burning the link faster than normal? I wish he would reach out to me.. Or has he abandoned me... just like the rest? Was it finally to much? Or is he in danger... I am loosing my mind thinking about it... I must keep my focus on this new development for now...

He came as i had bid him yet he was as defiant as ever... As I had hoped he would be...
I like to see the struggle in him.. See how he likes and even wants some of the things I do yet he tries by all his strength to not loose himself in this... I see the gleam in his eyes and then tension in his body. He is struggling and I must admit he is strong willed.. Like myself...

It will be interesting to see where this leads...

Book VII - Page 23

What by all the shadows happened last night? How the neather did I this come to pass? I just wanted to protect myself.. to let him taste his own medicine... I tried to warn him but he just wouldnt listen...

No one can know...

I followed Are to the plaguelands because i felt him becoming mentally weak though the link. He was with the order so I kept myself hidden and observing...

I clearly sensed the shadow magic from that one female elf and I felt the hunger stir...
Are staggered away from the others as they broke off and i followed him seeing him pass out. I had no other choice than to come out of hiding to help him. Its been a while sinse I have used my shadows so directly and the memories of the powers i held when I was marked by them.. the longing to have them coarse through my veins once more...

Well of course some of them showed up after a while but they didnt seem to care much.. Apparently they do not know anything about me which is to my advantage.
But I followed the elven female to her leader but she didnt say anything about me... I couldn't seem to get myself to leave... Why was he just sitting there. I could have killed myself when I made the rustle of leafs... Am I so out of practice? I use to be a shadow stalker... I saw the slight movement of his ear yet he too kept quite though I knew he had heard... And his words to that elf was directed at me.

After she left I moved to join him by the fire.. we talked for a while until I apparently infuriated him to much and he attacked me and I merely reacted... And now i get all bubbly inside just by the thought.. I cant wait until our next meeting.. The defiance and his power.. I want more

Book VII - Page 22

I knew it was a trick but I needed to see his hand... The ring keeps me safe and to many would know if I wanted them to... God thing he has no knowledge of the ring or Erinyea because that thing was stronger than anything that has been placed upon me before... It almost woke her.. She dosent like being controlled but luckily Are had reached out to me earlier so I could reach out to him for help.

Now he is a part of the assassins? What in all the twisting neather is he thinking. I know he is not.. He cant be.. at least not in this case... He dosent know what he is getting himself into...
But Are showed his alligence to me and protected me... If things fall apart with Rem then Are could also be a good match for the ring but that would mean having it awfully close to that assassin leader.

Are got him to release me, was it just a test? Would he have kept it on me had I not gotten help? What would he have done when he found out the truth about me?

I could be a powerful ally to him yet he is to blind to see through the shadows... But this only means that all my training has paid off and also why the demon hunters cant see it clearly... Because I am not like them... Eredar and Shivarri... I always feel her presence... her influence... her power...

I am still not ready to give in nor give up... He want him to see...

Afterwards I talked with Are again... He still feels the same... But he knows I cannot be his... I cannot be tied down as it is... Maybe one day if the fragments of my soul are reunited.. But then who would it be? So many both human and elves have over the years wanted my love... professed their undying love and devotion.. yet I am alone still...  so many has proven to be... nothing...

Adrias... Amirol... Cyrion... Diigar... Lorich... Gabriel... Tyre... Aredorn... Remathras...

Yebern... Ashana.. Shanra.. The Reaver... Sivri... Kallar... Vakil'Soth... The assassin

Zizey... Alina... Lokkie... Shereeze... Jillinty... Selacious... Lyssea... Haleth... Jaroven... Kitty... Ferrow... Randar

So many names so many gone now... And these are only the fleeting few that keeps a place in my mind for good or bad... Friend and foe...

Are and I renewed the link... But i think he understands now.. that it will never be more than this

Book VII - Page 21

Rem reached out for me today... I felt ashamed for just leaving him without notice or anything and for what.. To run away and kill...

Well he found me out behind the mage quarters where I have come so many times before.
He had finished his training in Outlands, seems it was something to do with his eyes or well the felflames.

We talked about what had happened but I am not sure he understands me in this... I dont know he seems so distant as of late and it keeps making me question and doubt everything.

He took me to Stranglethorn but I asked to show him where the order had base not so long ago so we went towards Zul'Gurub on the way we made camp and I wanted to get something from Stormwind and I told him I would be back after a couple of days...

I need stop running away but he he keeps pushing me...

Book VII - Page 20

I sensed it was him.. I almost never forget a voice... But is he friend or foe I wonder? Yes he held me by the neck and tried to suffocate me but it was a display of dominance nothing more. This is Yebern all over needing to show the world that he is dangerous but I feel what lies behind... And that was what caught my attention those years back... But I need to weary around him... I sense great conflict within him but also something else.. And I cant back down from a challenge... He practically invited me... But like all the rest he is a fool.. blind to see beyond the the beauty and frailty of my shell.
As long as I do not make the same mistake and head his warnings, then I will surely get the upper hand at some point.

Then Diehl shows... How did he find me? I mean without the ring? The assassin quickly left... But the promise of seeing him again was clear to me but was it to him? I just hope he can keep it between the two of us this time.. I am not facing his order once again.

Diehl wanted me to honor our agreement and well with the assassin gone and Rem in outlands I didnt see a better time, so I went with him.
What happened at his laboratory was strange yet I am am curious to know more now.
Why did he think my soul so... special? I need to know more of this.. He didnt seem particularly closed of to answering my questions but I still do not trust him.. He still lets nothing get in his way to reach his goals... But he truly seems wrapped up in his work regarding this... Why? I mean he did tell me a little but... There is something he is not telling me.. I am sure of it.
 

Book VII - Page 19

I was so exhausted when I woke... Yes I really slept... a whole night and day.. I dont remember when that happened last. Well the city boy had me out for drinks soon after I woke... Not that I mind.. I do remember when that was my usual forté.. We talked about the demon hunters and being at the recluse made the topic of our little soirée last we were here and well I was surprised to learn how he felt about it... I have asked myself many times what made it come to pass but...

My mind kept wandering to Rem... I cant get myself to go to him or even reach out... Why do I feel so much shame when he should be the one to understand it all?

Suddenly Handrall showed up and I asked about his new love and that he was still missing his pay. He wanted only friendship? Well lets see if he is ready for my friendship cause many can tell him it dosent come cheap... All my trouble... All my chaos... So many has left me... so many times I have been alone.. The darkness.. the emptiness inside... I break everything I touch...

Then Aredorn shows up... Amirol and him remember each other and it makes me think of Dii...
Funny to have Handrall an me being the ones to talk fondly of the forest and the two druids being the ones to prefer the city...

I tried to keep my thoughts on other things but I couldnt help return to the last time here... So I decided to leave so it would not end there again... But the whispers in the back of my mind where almost screams of protest as I walked away...  

Book VII - Page 18

I killed them all... It was like the time back in Northrend back when I couldnt keep control... The bloodrush it satuated the voice... I kept her quiet. 
But I am not in the form I use to be and they were SO many but I couldnt face Rem. My darkness is so much greater than his... or is it just that he holds control so much better?

I went to the one I always turn to when I feel like I have non... Bloodied and bruised walking the streets of Stormwind I easily picked up his scent... and that Of another ally, seemingly both in close proximity but the blood loss was getting to my head. Handrall heard it was me... I know he did still that girl seemed more concerned than he... That I will not forget...

Ami took me to the lighthouse and made me tell all... well more or less.. no need for to many details.
Besides this is not the first time he has seen me like this, not the first time he has tended to my wounds... but it was the first time he could not heal me... After we talked for hours we got a room.. He cleaned my wounds and bandaged them up... well a lot of good that did when he just helped rip them up again... He sure is... changing in every way.. And I could not complain... he took good care of me... but still... it is not the same...

Book VII - Page 17

We walked to Honor Hold and flew from there to the Wildhammer stronghold. Breathing the felinfused air made me body tremble and I could feel her stir but I have decided to do whatever I can to fight this and not give in. If I am to follow along on this I need to try and not put him in these situations how ever hard it may be.

It was frightening to look at the temple again. Flashes from that night returning and filling my mind. Her on the wall with Randar at her feet ready to do her bidding. The faces of my friends and loved ones wanting only to get me back and feeling her glee from it all.

It is good to make new memories out here how ever timid compared to that they may be. We went inside Rem telling me about his life when he was here. Telling me how one becomes a demon hunter. We found a place to sit and talk. I like to learn about him but the gnawing at the inside of me kept distracting me.

Is he pulling back? I wish he could just tell me but I am not sure he knows himself...
I fear the worst but is that not typical me? Never trusting that anyone will stay.. In the end they all leave and his words still echo in my mind "I dont even know why I am helping you"
He seems so unsure and so closed off but why is that so unnerving to me? I have know others like that, why is this different?
My blood froze as he took out the ring and I was sure that would be the last. What is wrong with me for him to be so uncertain?

Ohh my foolish little thing always so fragile and unsure. Of course he dosent want you, why would he? You are everything he was taught to hate and fight... You are nothing special... The others who pretended to care were only after my power through the ring... He will end up crushing you or better yet... He will make you believe and then turn against you... just like him!

No I need to believe that there is something... Friendship then... But something!

Then why did he leave? Why are you lying here all alone... Maybe you were to hard to be around and he needed to get away... Maybe he regrets ever bringing you...

No he would tell me... wouldn't he? No it is this place... It is getting to me... I need somthing to keep my mind from wandering...

Maybe there are someone to fight.. somewhere...

Book VII - Page 16

After I left Feralas I wanted to find out more about his order, so I started to look around for them. I remembered one I has seen him with in the beginning and she let to another leading me to Duskwood. I think the one there might be the leader Dijl.. I cant recall and it was an interesting meeting though he seems somewhat uncaring and slightly hostile so I kept my distance... As their meeting broke off I followed him and another demon hunter but I think she was from a different order. All of a sudden they cast  a teleportation spell so sadly I could not follow them.

I went back to Stormwind where I found to my luck another of them the female from earlier. I kept a watch on her but suddenly Rem was there. I should be able to feel him more strongly through the bond but I think it is the fel in his blood burning the bond away faster than I am use to?

I was surprised to learn that they are not close in his order... But then again, Valor, the Sirens and the Veiled Path has all been orders where we needed to be close.

I am not sure how I will feel if he takes me to meet them and when he told me that some of them might be able to sense my demon then I am not so sure I want to meet them. I know things for them seem so easy, meditate in a sanctum and regain control. But this is different... I have been hiding this for so long... long before demon hunters walked the streets of Stormwind.

We talked about Lilith, he wants me to talk to her and well he is right I know but... I dont like seeing Yebern in her.. I dont like the remembrance of all that.

He told me he was leaving for Outlands and that he did not know when he would return. I dont know why it got to me but I didnt like the idea of not knowing when he would return. I am still a little edgy because of the ring or is it because of something else. I am so use to others being more direct and well protective of me I think. It is not that I need his protection or need him to validate me...
It is just different with him and it make me unsure...

Well we will see how this trip goes, I am excited to be back here but so many memories out here will be a test of me... Yebern, Zizey, My father, the ritual, Vakil'Soth... And Randar... The return to Shadowmoon Vally will be the first test. I remember that day at the gates so clearly... I might need to look through my journals, I might actually have written about that day some place...

Book VII - Page 15

I felt better after his care but I still worry for the demon hunter.

Should I go back to Feralas and look? I know there are a lot of them out there so I prey he will be found and tended to.

The scares will fade in a couple of days they always do but the bones have healed and I can shift again.

I went to Darkshire where some looney girl tried to get with me... Strange... But the little shade I was curious about.

After that I went to Stormwind to look and I cant belive he is alive.. Different but alive. Aaredorn seemd changed almost like Amirol. i didnt feel the same connection with him as before but what was more disturbing was that fact that Lilith brought him back? Is she already that powerfull? And why? Why did she tell him it was becuase of me and wanting to know about me? I should go see her.. Shouldn't i? i mean she is my daughter in some sense though she seems in every way more like her father than me? Or is it just because she is acting out?

When Rem reach out to me I was unprepared but I told Aaredorn I would help him regarding lilith but if he in any way harms her... I think he understood and I dont think he knows what connection lies between her and me. But i need to be careful.

Rem took me to Ashenvale. It hurt being home.. i have avoided that place for decades... But he took me to a place where demon had tainted the forest with fel. It seems he had been working on a potion to neutralise Diehl.

He is getting quite sure of himself that I will take him where he wants to, luckily I was not in the mood nor place of mind to argue. I was trying so hard to ignore the pull inside. It was the fel that awoke it, making her stirr again.
I was unsure of returning to Feralas afraid that someone would have seen... But the sentinels seems to ignore me like always.

I tried to keep my distance, avoid him but he wanted me close... Why? He is so confusing... Normally I am so certain of myself and I do and act like I want to without care... So why am I so nervous around him? Is it because I dont know where he stands?

But then it was as if the ice broke between us and the turned everything around but only for a little while, then I made a mistake and everything faded back to nothing...  am still curious about that whole black temple slaves... What do I even know of his past... What would he tell me if I asked?

Well I think it best that he goes to the temple tomorrow and I have some things I need to tend to as well...

Book VII - Page 14

I have been searching for Rem and not being able to reach him has thown me a little of... Did I choose wrong? Should I have done it all differently?


I asked to many questions in Feralas... I hope it was not one of Rems people. At least he didnt seem to know who I was looking for.
I hope he survives that fight.. I didnt mean to hurt him so but he left me no choice I was only defending myself and I couldnt let him remember what he saw and who I am...


The wounds are healing well and I think it was more my pride that has been damaged.. I mean the bones will mend and the wounds close. But needing to seek him out and ask for help... The scowlding I am not sure it was worth it but he is right... I should have been more careful. The healing hurt like fel.. without the pleasured feeling.. I think he actually enjoyd me being in pain thinking it a lesson for me. I dont have many to turn to when Things like this happen. Aaredorn and Amirol cant heal me anymore and I cant use the shadows myself to do it... Well at least nature healing still Works cause the light only makes it worth. i remember when Halet tried to heal me. Not many things has hurt like that... never again will I make that mistake...


I will rest here until tomorrow and then I need to go look for Rem again.

Book VII - Page 13

I had been hard during the night to not touch him more but it would not be wise to take this further as it is. He needs to go to Feralas soon before it gets dangerous... Well it already is i guess, with me watching over his sleep.

I told Rem about Handrall and the plan and I told him the risk of getting involved in all this but still he wanted to help. I am both grateful and scared because of this. I dont want him hurt because of me.. And the past only shows that I end up hurting everyone who tries to help me. 

In Redridge Rem said to much but Handral did not seem to notice or care. I had to remind him that unlike the demon hunters, my secret is still a secret. I told them that I was sure Diehl would use me against them and i suggested using the Rata'Han.

When we cane to the grove in Darkwood I knew Diehl was prepared and seeing the infernal... We tried to get to him but of course he used the ring and had me lay at his feet like a lapdog. The fight broke out and Diehl sent me against Rem luckily before anything could happen two worgens interrupted and it leaved the plainfield to talking again. 

I got the feeling Rem wanted to see what he was up against when Diehl sent me to attack him. Should I fight him at some point.. for fun? Or would it be best for me to not show him what i can do?

It went back and forth Diehl not wanting to give up the ring because of research but finally he gave a compromise or so he tried to put it out. I know this was wrong to say yes to but I didnt want to have to fight them... and hurt them, nor did I want Diehl to see the full potential of the rings power.

The only satisfaction in this is knowing how he will have withdrawls from the loss of the rings power. 

The deal was that I would aid him in his research... I fear this because I know the extend of his cruelty and I fear that his research is me so with or without the ring.. He will know more of me. Rem said he would never let me go alone but I fear Diehl will make sure he cannot or at least that he can stand helpless and watch. I actually think that would bring him great satisfaction to torment Rem or whom else that would accompany me.

Then some pompous warden of the grove came. As all the others all high and mighty. That made me think of why i respect Amirol as an elder... because he does not think more or himself and he waits to listen and weigh what he hears without being all "I could kill you right now"... I would have liked to see her try. The warden had not been enough in the grove to know who she was dealing with. Had she been she would have known what things have occurred there all those years ago. 

Amirol I respect because he is humble. Not to be mistaken for weakness no more the other way around... it shows his power and that he does not have to intimidate to get people to listen.

I took Rem to the waterfall behind Begger's haunt on the border to Elwynn. So many times I have sat there with friends and trusted there. 

Now he has the ring... I am still not sure if this was a good idea but I must trust him for now... At least Handrall knows he has it. 

When Rem hid the ring away it was almost like history was looping just me and Zizey had changed places. It was strange that that was how he chose to keep it safe but well it does make me feel safer.

I liked being there with him... Did I go to far by showing him off? I mean he needs to know I have a tendency to play a little.. rough. And I do love to play and fool around.

I liked the closeness between us but we both stopped it before it got anywhere dangerous. 

We went to rest on the island... Maybe we should go to Feralas tomorrow or just him... I dont want to follow him around like a puppy and I need to have a look around Stormwind to make sure Amirol is safe.

Book VII - Page 12

I dont know if today was a succes or a failer... I lost control, the feeling of being trapped wiht her being in control... I have tried so hard to fight her and keep her sleeping but the ritual or what it was.. the blood.. But I actually think it was more her wanting to show him who is in control...


The worst part is that Rem was effected so and I hope that it so as easy as he says to regain control of his own demon... I would never forgive myself if something happened to him because of me.


After we met at the Alter of Storms, he took me to a place in the Blastedlands near the portal. It was the place where he had gone through his own ritual to become a demon hunter.
Had I known he wanted her free i am not sure I would have gone along with him... Her interest in him because of his own demonic presence is growing. I feel it gnawing inside my mind and it scares me.


Everything was like a haze when she awoke and seeing him so weakend from the bloodloss I was afraid that she would kill him and I think only his attitude kept her from doing it because I know it was not my pleeding... Did she know that giving him a little of her power to heal him would strengthen his demon? Was that her plan all along?


I felt weak and sick when she finally gave me back control and it took all my strength to stay consious but I could not let my weakness show. I know had it been Ami he would have taken me in his arms and carried me all the way but I am still not sure what it is he truely wants from me.


He seems to trust me enough to let me watch over him... and sitting here and looking at him sleep brings me a little peace. Even though I feel her lost for wanting his demon to awake.


What will become of us I wonder... What is it I want from this?
I have missed the closeness but I still hold back... I am not sure what will happen if we take this further?

Amirol is still in my mind... and my heart but the constant feeling of being tainted of being wrong is always there with him. I will never be just the pure druid he hopes for.. untainted.. He will never accept my longing for the shadows and the playing with darkness... but does Rem?


I need to choose my path and follow it.. I need to heal the fractures inside somehow... But what is my path? And if I ever get whole again, what or who will I be?
If we try Rems idea and destroy that part of my soul what is left? I know what lies in the ring.. My commitment.. My love and my devotion... Who will I be without that? And what will I become?


Handrall contancted me over the shard, it seems he has made some deal with the human who has my ring. Tomorrow in Duskwood just before midnight.
Should I bring Rem? if we get the ring i need someone to take it? Should I call for Zizey or find Ami?

I dont know why but i am not ready for Rem to meet Zizey... And I dont trust Amirol in the state he is in... Is there anyone else?

I know Diehl will use my against whom ever I bring so it needs to be someone I trust but also someone to whom I am not a weak spot... I think Rem is my best hope at this...


We will see what tomorrow brings I guess...

Book VII - Page 11

Last night didnt really go to well... I mean who am I kidding, no matter where I go he will always be able to find me, control me if he so wishes... I need the ring back somehow.
But I cant help wondering what would have happened if Rem had gotten the ring? He does not know its full power and also the cost. Can I trust him? I know he says he is more an undead hunter than demons but then why is he a demon hunter by blood? It does seem he enjoys his fel powers. Not that I can in any way blame him. I mean my shadows it is much the same and I do miss them so... He wants me to meet him in the Burning Steppes the place where Shanra marked me. I will go to the alter tonight, there are a lot of memories there...

I am still unsure how to act around him and it was so hard to not move against him, sway him... The fel though not as alluring as the shadows still stirs my hunger or is it hers?

I need to tread carefully I am letting my guards down to fast... We have only know each other for a few days but he just feels so kindred like we have know each other for a lifetime...

It is good that she is sleeping so deep because this means I can be on my best behavior and not my usual quite impulsive self. The thoughts racing through my head as I left him... Well I can understand why Amirol would seek to get back at me... Why do I always do this? Why do I always fall right back in?

The suggestion Rem made about how to destroy the ring, I am not sure he fully grasps how it was created, but should I tell him? I mean it would have him knowing everything there is about it. I need to find out if I can trust him... but how?

I am actually quite intrigued by this leader of theirs not as I am by Rem but because he sounds so much like Shanra.

I miss him, his guidance and his unyielding faith in me, had it not been for some of our training I would say he was more like father figure than any... My Dark father... Better not let him hear or see me calling him that, not sure how he would react.

But there are so many I miss... So many lost over time friends and enemies, lovers and family...

I feel so alone at times... Maybe I should ask Zizey for the ritual to be done soon? I mean to be connected again through the ring but will she bring the sisterhood back or what is her plan with this? Are we starting again? I am not sure I can gather nor train new Furies but maybe... Well the Feral Heart could be taught and if I found a right hand to train well it would not be so far fetched?

Hmm so many things to begin thinking about again... Maybe it is time I go to the ship and get my old journals and my books. Could I do it without her finding out or is this the time to face her? I am not sure... I... Maybe I will just fly by on my way to the Burning Steppes to know my options and being up there.. Should I spend the night in Shadow Fang? Hmmm or go to Kara? Well lets see where the night takes me...

Book VII - Page 10

How could i forget this feeling... Every nerve and fiber is alive... But this is so different from the shadows where I only found darkness and extasy this is pleasure and pain rolled into one...

Rem feels like a kindre soul one who understands what it is like and know I know what to be weary of around the demon hunters. Their sight..But it seems that as long as she sleeps they cannot see her.. Wait is that why she sleeps still? I mean the fel I was sure would wake her but does she know the danger or...?


He seems so lost to himself as if he has blocked out how to live... I easilly see and sense the pain he is carrying inside. the loss of lovedones.. of Family...
But one needs to feel in order to live and well he does seem quite responcive to me.


I dont want to rush into anything... I know this is a dangerous game... But it is so hard to not be... me.
I am unsure if he really understands what he is playing with and that what he can awaken? But not only in me I would think.. What about himself?


What if I were responsible for pulling him down and for making his demonic side take over?
Should I just stop it now... the training... the experimenting?
But i am learning... and the hunger he has stirred again...

How can I not be facinated with everything he is when he looks like the part of me I hide away from the world... Could I ever be accepted to walk the streets like them?


I feel alive again for the first time in a long time... I feel like myself... No longing for the shadows well that is not true.. The longing is always there but there is no one. With Shanra gone... I dont trust anyone else when it comes to that... Could I do it myself? Am I strong enough? What about Shereezh maybe I could find her?


No no my mind is running of with me... Is it the fel? I know it is torture waiting upon tomorrow and I feel restless... I want more.. I mean I want to know more..
Why did my body turn to defend itself and still I was untouched by the fel? Does Erinya see him as an ally or a rival and what will this lead to.


We have not been intimate except to make the bond but it was hard to not get overwhelmed but the desire for more... And he seemd to.. like it?

I have SO many questions and I need to know more... But am i risking his life in hte proces? His sanity?


Only time will tell...

Book VII - Page 9

I've been up all night cause you have been putting up a fight. Seems like nothing I say gets through. Dont see the change as something bad. You are just like me now so why am I not content?

We said "Goodnight" but the silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
We've hit the wall again and there's nothin' I can do.
You have always been the one i trust without a doubt and with my life.

But I know that deep inside you don't understand me. You dont see who I really am.

The mornin' comes and you're reaching out for me just like everything's the same and I let myself believe things are gonna change.
When you kiss my lips and you hold my body close, do you wonder who's inside?
I need to leave before you wake.. I cannot do this right now... I want you back to who you really are but I also know that only half of me finds peace in your arms...

Book VII - Page 8

Once again I am here... Quill in hand.. So much to write and not knowing where to start...


Aredorn is gone. I am told he died... Did it have anyting to do with me showing him WHO I truly am? No I cant think like that.. I need to stop putting everything on me.
But it is in the past ad almost another year has gone since.


Ami is still the same, the city slick... Zizey says it is my own fault because of the way I have treated him and that he is just getting back at me for it all...
I dont know what to do and the ring... Handrel still hasent been able to track who has the ring and I know that it is just a matter of time before it is used against me. I dont want to hurt anyone...


The city is filled with demon hunters and I am scared out of my mind. I have kept away because I dont know if they can sense her and if they can... Will they killme on sight?
I need to know more of them so I can keep myself safe but how to approach them?