So many thoughts and emotions I haven't been able to put to writing.. Such a long time to account for and SO many messes to clean up.
How can it be that I have a daughter and not know of it? But she is so like him well and no I see Zizey in her as well or is that me? I am not sure... I have kept an eye on her from a distance not daring to meet her face to face. I have seen how easilly she handles the ship and the echoes that Yebern left.
I need to go to her at some point.. But I am afraid... For the first time in my life I am truly afraid...
Ami seems changed and strange.. something is wrong but Ziz dismissed it, she is busy with something... But him choosing the city over the forest, the fancy look and the women, NO i am not jealous or well maybe a little but no this is not MY Ami and this one they can have...
But is this my doing?
Shanra was back for a while but he is gone again and so is the promise of the shadows...
I feel so alone without my markings but at least Erinyea sleeps and only stirs from time to time.
I have meet this new elf Aredorn and the desire i feel towards him.. the hunger.. well that defiantly makes her stir but he does only know half of what I am and am I willing to drag him down this path? I dont feel alone when I am with him.. He listens and he talks so on that account he is Ami and Dii rolled into one... I kissed him and not just to make the bond I could have done that more.. professional but at least the kiss made it seem less well bloody.
I will tell him the last piece of the puzzle and he can decide for him self.. or should I just show him? I am not sure... All I know is that I feel drawn to him because he is there filling the emptiness inside and because there is no drama.. no complications just me and him.. for now.
I do think Dii has chosen so it would be good to stay away as to not confuse him further and Ami? I am not sure I need to know who he is now...
This time I just want to let myself free and not think of all the consequences or what can happen.. I just want to feel like... well like this.
Ohh and I still need to be sure where to take him cause there is so many places but also so many of those places hold memories and history... I think I need to go on a little hunt for the right place...
