Book VI - page 22

Jade worries me, it seems that the collar is the only thing keeping the shadows at bay from her, i hear them whisper that she belongs to them, she was made of them.
But she was never meant to have a life of her own.. By the neather i wish Shanra was not in the shadow realms all the time, i need his advice on this.

I care for her well she is a part of me but it is larger than that i feel as though she is my daughter i cant explain it.

I have changed the collar a little it should hold out better now but i fear that she has become a conduit as even the collar cant seem to hold the shadows from her eyes and her emotions.

She has my inner hunger, i prayed she would not be burdened by that but i can only hope that this human does not break her that was what after all made me fall... almost a dacede since yet it still pain me even now.

I can speak his name without the hurt and the anger overwhelming me and it is only because of Diigar, he stills my raging desires he knows how to handle me.

Should i tell her human.. how to handle her?
Would he even understand, the life i have lived beside the embrace, beside Yebern, Shanra and Ashana beside the Reaper.

The constant fear back then when i was weak...
To come to walk beside them never as allies well except for Shanra.

I miss Ziz but she is gone i cannot feel her. I dare not go find out why not... i could not bare if she was lost at least she is not in trouble that i would be able to feel.
I still feel her lips against mine the night Shanra marked me...

Well i will let Jade return and either have a look at this human for wich she feels so strongly from the shadows or i will me him face to face.

I like training Diigar it gives me purpose makes me feel like i can give something back. He is doing great and really exceeding my expectations. And the moments after our training, the passion and desire.
The shadows seem to only highten me in evry way, he said i almost looked like a goddess there. The runes shine so clear when i walk on that plane, a huge part of me feels at home there but my wild side the druid in me cringes from the darkness.

What is my Destiny i wonder...

Book VI - page 21

I am actually excited about training him more in the ways of the shadows, to push him as i did myself to train on the plane itself.
I wonder if he even knows the dangers there? Ha ve i told him what happened to me the first time i tried to go there?

I have not felt excitment in a long time, but this almost thrills me. Is it the new connection i have gotten from Shanra? How will they shadows feel now, what powers will i hold there i wonder.

And to be there with one i actually trust... When have i last trusted someone?
I dont think i have since Yebern *the words seems written almost with pride*

And i think the planes i have made will lead me to something more... my own purpose.. free of him.
Finally and Diigar help me with this.. his patience and devotion.

He is mine and i will tollerate him having no others anymore... He knows that my possition as mistress will make me have others but not like us, not that close. He is the one, the first to reach my heart after he shattered it.

I see clear and free again... It has been like trying to breath through a pillow and finnaly it has been removed.

Book VI - page 20

A lone pair of watchful eyes, oversee the living
Feel the presence all around
A tortured soul
A wound unhealing
No regrets or promises, the past is gone
But you can set me free... If time will set me free
Time now to spread my wings... To take to flight
The life endeavour
Aim for the burning sun, im trapped inside
But it's a long long way to go

Keep moving way up high, show me the light... It shines forever
Sailing through the crimson skies
Sail through the wind and rain tonight
Im free to fly tonight to go higher than the mountain tops to go high like the wind don't stop

Book VI - page 19

I finally found it.. what i have been looking for for so long... No i need to go find Diig, now he needs to make a choice, because i will not do this lightly.
He needs to stop fiddeling around and comit to somthing, i need him to.
I do not need a nother lapdog of a mindless drone that i need to tell what to do and how to act.
No i want a leader someone to challenge me ne my equal.

Now the paths lay clear before me the shadows or the light?
The demon or the druid?
Can i even be only one again?

Was i too hard? I only wanted to be in his arms, to have him ease my hunger and longing. No this needed to be done for him to understand. All that with one of his little girls just made me more determined. He needs to choose the life he wants from now.

I need to take it further just like he said, i am holding myself back... chose...

Book VI - page 18

What in the neather is going on with me? what has changed?

Are what i feel really true, do i dare belive again?
It has been so long since it has just been me togather with another without the constant feel of her inside, feeding upon the energies between us.
The night was wonderful so much more soft and carring that it has been for so long.

I made a necklace for Jade, one that keeps her from reaching any power she night hold. Diig promised to give it to her.

Book VI - page 17

Interesting develoupment with Jade.
I was at the Stormpeeks with Gabriel seems he wants to try and teach me to channel and empower my powers with others. Well we didnt really get that fare as the meditaion was TO borring but we will try again, think i would need Diig to still my hunger first if i am to stil still like that for so long.
But as i returned to the boat Jade was awake? I dont understad how Shanra never told me this could happen? It seems she thinks, that life i created in my mind when i have been her, that it is real. I have decided to study this further as it seems she is loyal to the brink of devotion to me and she thinks she has been working for me all this time with the oath and all. I need to remember to tell Diig about this. But more importaint i need to find out how much of me is in her? I sent her to walk the streets of Stormwind to she how she would handle herself, and she is a natural almost like a real person. I followd cloacked in the shadows to keep her out of trouble, keep her safe...
She meet with that man from starlight i have seen a couple of times before lastly at the sparring match between Diig and that elven female from starlight as well.
I think she has a genuine interest in that one, but she takes after me in so many ways as she so easily got him in the palm of her hand... Not sure she will see it like i do, she does not view the dark side of the world like have been forced to for so long now to keep safe.
I think i will let this play out keeping her on a short leash for now.

This will be fun...