Book VII - Page 28

Finally a little peace... To find Rem safe... I am both scared and excited about tomorrow... About that answer...
I do understand his reason for leaving though he needs to know I dont need him to protect me.
He fears to much for me.

I think I finally made him see that the past will always haunt us but we cannot let is cripple us. What makes us strong is our ability to feel... He sees past the demon.. he understands.. a little and its okay. I know it is different with his demon... They are two and we are one but he still understands and accepts it because he took upon him his demon because he knows the strength that can be derived from it...

I still hold the same fear as he does... If we fall our cost is so much greater...

It is good to be back here in the jungle... My waterfall haven... Though the last time ended in a mess I hope that this will give me a new start out here...

Regarding the ring I am still unsure how to undo it but i fear that a sacrifice will demand a sacrifice and at what cost? I long to be whole again and yet i fear it so... Who will i become.. The druid and take my place among my kin? Will I return to be a siren at my sisters side? Or will I seek the shadows once again?
I dont know anymore... But I am confident that I will prevail somehow...

Book VII - Page 27

Where is everyone when i need them.. yes i know i am not in danger or anything like that but needing to stub to that kind of low?

I feel degraded.. soiled...
She was relentless.. Her hunger scared me...

I was stupid to believe it was the truth... but i have never been wrong before when it comes to using the bond to determine it someone was lying... Was I fooled because he keeps lying to himself?

I told him the consequence of removing the blindfold... I will not call upon him again.

I still am unsure of how much he truly does remember from the other night... Well it seems my efforts where in vein and we are right back where we started... Was this to be the one challenge I walked away from? I always speak of challenges but starting all over again leaving me that desperate and on edge all the time.. Had I not given that ultimatum I would not be giving up but I did and it was foolish of me but I stand by what I said... He broke the one rule I put for him...

I would have let him take his revenge... I would even have welcomed it... but no this is done...
He tells me one thing then acts differently... And I gave him a choice follow this path or this would end... It was always up to him... It was always his actions leading this...

I told him it was a test and he failed miserably... I do not deny what he saw in my eyes but that was never the point... the point was to follow this one rule.. and he could not... His defiance is to strong...

Should he return for any reason... I will punish him hard and merciless for what he forced me to do...

My preciousness little gem... how easily fooled you and admit it.. you liked every second.. you are worth no more... Think back.. all that has covet you... Did even one do this before they knew of me? Silly little girl.. Cant you see.. I am their true desire.. for unlike you... I can give them power... And what can you give them? You are still broken... all those feelings you cherish so locked away in the ring... That ring may be dangerous but it also leave you right where I want you...

Book VII - Page 26

I got things right last night... And I removed the pendant... Now we will see if he truly did listen when he wakes or if he will try to kill me once again. I will keep the pendant... for now... I know I have my own but that was made for a shadow wielder.. I was made for Jade... Jade I wonder where she is... I feel her but only faintly... I do hope she is well.. I do hope the shadows have not consumed her... Poor girl and all because of me...

Well back to matters at hand no need to dwell on the past.. a past i cannot change...

I summoned him to where Vakil once called upon me.. But this time I was on the throne... Ohh how it pleased her... She has loved all of this and she was screaming in my head when I set him free... Is she the real reason I kept the pendant? No no it is to protect myself.. nothing more...

He kept blaming me for all he feels... But I think I finally made him see that he only used me as an excuse to let his own desires free...

I am actually thinking he he honored our agreement I could be for the best he wears the pendent when we meet and I remove it afterwards this way I am safe and he will do what I say... If it shows that I do not the pendant then he can have it back.. or well I can keep it just in case?

When he passed out I needed to plead for her help, he was to heavy for me. But it seems she gave back willingly.. why?
It been a long time since I has here last another one of my homes for a fleeting moment another mess of memories... I have prepared for both scenarios. If he tries to kill me or if he actually honors our agreement... The magic drained me it has been a long time since I have needed to call upon so much and without the mark to focus my energies it is much harder...

Still laying here in the night my mind seems to return to Rem... Where is he.. is he alright... Has he abandoned me? I dont even understand why my mind is drawn to him... he keeps holding me at a distance or is that why... Is it that I cannot deal with rejection that I need to prove something.. to myself or is it her not backing down from a challenge.. does she seem it as claiming a prize?
I dont know.. but I do know i miss him... And Ami... But all this distracts me most of the time.. when I am not alone with my thoughts in the darkness...

Book VII - Page 25

To think he actually had med worried for his life... I will not make that mistake twice...

He dosent seem to understand.. I cant let him go.. If I do now.. he will kill me.. or well he will try to.. he will stop at nothing until he learns of my secret and learns how to either control me or destroy me.

Why did he need to force into doing this... Should I set him free? I have enough to keep me safe and he still does not know what I am... That I by myself am stronger than he thinks...

I do like this power I hold I will not deny that... but still is this me? I know it is a part of me but is this not what I have tried to keep locked away? Or am I just thinking like this because i am holding the leash this time?

Well I will look forward to see what my little... gift... has stirred...

Book VII - Page 24

I ran into Handrall and he started asking about Rems comment about demons..
I decided to show him instead of try to explain a lot and well it seemed he was.. fairly okay with it... He did have a lot of questions and he did pull back at first but I am still me.. well mostly right?

I parted because I wanted to see how my little assassin was doing... I called him to my in Shadow Fang... it just seemed appropriate somehow as this was where Shanra my last master had tough me about the shadows...

I wander if Rem is okay? It unnerves me that I cannot reach him? Is it the fel in his blood burning the link faster than normal? I wish he would reach out to me.. Or has he abandoned me... just like the rest? Was it finally to much? Or is he in danger... I am loosing my mind thinking about it... I must keep my focus on this new development for now...

He came as i had bid him yet he was as defiant as ever... As I had hoped he would be...
I like to see the struggle in him.. See how he likes and even wants some of the things I do yet he tries by all his strength to not loose himself in this... I see the gleam in his eyes and then tension in his body. He is struggling and I must admit he is strong willed.. Like myself...

It will be interesting to see where this leads...

Book VII - Page 23

What by all the shadows happened last night? How the neather did I this come to pass? I just wanted to protect myself.. to let him taste his own medicine... I tried to warn him but he just wouldnt listen...

No one can know...

I followed Are to the plaguelands because i felt him becoming mentally weak though the link. He was with the order so I kept myself hidden and observing...

I clearly sensed the shadow magic from that one female elf and I felt the hunger stir...
Are staggered away from the others as they broke off and i followed him seeing him pass out. I had no other choice than to come out of hiding to help him. Its been a while sinse I have used my shadows so directly and the memories of the powers i held when I was marked by them.. the longing to have them coarse through my veins once more...

Well of course some of them showed up after a while but they didnt seem to care much.. Apparently they do not know anything about me which is to my advantage.
But I followed the elven female to her leader but she didnt say anything about me... I couldn't seem to get myself to leave... Why was he just sitting there. I could have killed myself when I made the rustle of leafs... Am I so out of practice? I use to be a shadow stalker... I saw the slight movement of his ear yet he too kept quite though I knew he had heard... And his words to that elf was directed at me.

After she left I moved to join him by the fire.. we talked for a while until I apparently infuriated him to much and he attacked me and I merely reacted... And now i get all bubbly inside just by the thought.. I cant wait until our next meeting.. The defiance and his power.. I want more

Book VII - Page 22

I knew it was a trick but I needed to see his hand... The ring keeps me safe and to many would know if I wanted them to... God thing he has no knowledge of the ring or Erinyea because that thing was stronger than anything that has been placed upon me before... It almost woke her.. She dosent like being controlled but luckily Are had reached out to me earlier so I could reach out to him for help.

Now he is a part of the assassins? What in all the twisting neather is he thinking. I know he is not.. He cant be.. at least not in this case... He dosent know what he is getting himself into...
But Are showed his alligence to me and protected me... If things fall apart with Rem then Are could also be a good match for the ring but that would mean having it awfully close to that assassin leader.

Are got him to release me, was it just a test? Would he have kept it on me had I not gotten help? What would he have done when he found out the truth about me?

I could be a powerful ally to him yet he is to blind to see through the shadows... But this only means that all my training has paid off and also why the demon hunters cant see it clearly... Because I am not like them... Eredar and Shivarri... I always feel her presence... her influence... her power...

I am still not ready to give in nor give up... He want him to see...

Afterwards I talked with Are again... He still feels the same... But he knows I cannot be his... I cannot be tied down as it is... Maybe one day if the fragments of my soul are reunited.. But then who would it be? So many both human and elves have over the years wanted my love... professed their undying love and devotion.. yet I am alone still...  so many has proven to be... nothing...

Adrias... Amirol... Cyrion... Diigar... Lorich... Gabriel... Tyre... Aredorn... Remathras...

Yebern... Ashana.. Shanra.. The Reaver... Sivri... Kallar... Vakil'Soth... The assassin

Zizey... Alina... Lokkie... Shereeze... Jillinty... Selacious... Lyssea... Haleth... Jaroven... Kitty... Ferrow... Randar

So many names so many gone now... And these are only the fleeting few that keeps a place in my mind for good or bad... Friend and foe...

Are and I renewed the link... But i think he understands now.. that it will never be more than this

Book VII - Page 21

Rem reached out for me today... I felt ashamed for just leaving him without notice or anything and for what.. To run away and kill...

Well he found me out behind the mage quarters where I have come so many times before.
He had finished his training in Outlands, seems it was something to do with his eyes or well the felflames.

We talked about what had happened but I am not sure he understands me in this... I dont know he seems so distant as of late and it keeps making me question and doubt everything.

He took me to Stranglethorn but I asked to show him where the order had base not so long ago so we went towards Zul'Gurub on the way we made camp and I wanted to get something from Stormwind and I told him I would be back after a couple of days...

I need stop running away but he he keeps pushing me...

Book VII - Page 20

I sensed it was him.. I almost never forget a voice... But is he friend or foe I wonder? Yes he held me by the neck and tried to suffocate me but it was a display of dominance nothing more. This is Yebern all over needing to show the world that he is dangerous but I feel what lies behind... And that was what caught my attention those years back... But I need to weary around him... I sense great conflict within him but also something else.. And I cant back down from a challenge... He practically invited me... But like all the rest he is a fool.. blind to see beyond the the beauty and frailty of my shell.
As long as I do not make the same mistake and head his warnings, then I will surely get the upper hand at some point.

Then Diehl shows... How did he find me? I mean without the ring? The assassin quickly left... But the promise of seeing him again was clear to me but was it to him? I just hope he can keep it between the two of us this time.. I am not facing his order once again.

Diehl wanted me to honor our agreement and well with the assassin gone and Rem in outlands I didnt see a better time, so I went with him.
What happened at his laboratory was strange yet I am am curious to know more now.
Why did he think my soul so... special? I need to know more of this.. He didnt seem particularly closed of to answering my questions but I still do not trust him.. He still lets nothing get in his way to reach his goals... But he truly seems wrapped up in his work regarding this... Why? I mean he did tell me a little but... There is something he is not telling me.. I am sure of it.
 

Book VII - Page 19

I was so exhausted when I woke... Yes I really slept... a whole night and day.. I dont remember when that happened last. Well the city boy had me out for drinks soon after I woke... Not that I mind.. I do remember when that was my usual forté.. We talked about the demon hunters and being at the recluse made the topic of our little soirée last we were here and well I was surprised to learn how he felt about it... I have asked myself many times what made it come to pass but...

My mind kept wandering to Rem... I cant get myself to go to him or even reach out... Why do I feel so much shame when he should be the one to understand it all?

Suddenly Handrall showed up and I asked about his new love and that he was still missing his pay. He wanted only friendship? Well lets see if he is ready for my friendship cause many can tell him it dosent come cheap... All my trouble... All my chaos... So many has left me... so many times I have been alone.. The darkness.. the emptiness inside... I break everything I touch...

Then Aredorn shows up... Amirol and him remember each other and it makes me think of Dii...
Funny to have Handrall an me being the ones to talk fondly of the forest and the two druids being the ones to prefer the city...

I tried to keep my thoughts on other things but I couldnt help return to the last time here... So I decided to leave so it would not end there again... But the whispers in the back of my mind where almost screams of protest as I walked away...  

Book VII - Page 18

I killed them all... It was like the time back in Northrend back when I couldnt keep control... The bloodrush it satuated the voice... I kept her quiet. 
But I am not in the form I use to be and they were SO many but I couldnt face Rem. My darkness is so much greater than his... or is it just that he holds control so much better?

I went to the one I always turn to when I feel like I have non... Bloodied and bruised walking the streets of Stormwind I easily picked up his scent... and that Of another ally, seemingly both in close proximity but the blood loss was getting to my head. Handrall heard it was me... I know he did still that girl seemed more concerned than he... That I will not forget...

Ami took me to the lighthouse and made me tell all... well more or less.. no need for to many details.
Besides this is not the first time he has seen me like this, not the first time he has tended to my wounds... but it was the first time he could not heal me... After we talked for hours we got a room.. He cleaned my wounds and bandaged them up... well a lot of good that did when he just helped rip them up again... He sure is... changing in every way.. And I could not complain... he took good care of me... but still... it is not the same...